One More Time...?

"What is the last deposit you see in my account?"

July 21 for $1,281.00.

"No way. No way. There aren't any after that?"

No, ma'am, there are not.

"Are you sure? My husband should have gotten paid. Was there a deposit on July 31st?"

NO, Ma'am, there have not been any deposits since July 21st.

"My husband deposited his payroll check last Friday! Are you sure it hasn't posted?!"

No. It. Has. Not. Posted. There. Have. Been. NO. Deposits. Since. The. 21st.

"Look on the 31st. Anything? Like, around $1000?"

Yes! Ding Ding Ding!

Whew! Most people don't catch on to that game we play here; You have to ask us the question you want the answer to 5 times before we'll tell you the correct answer. You win! No... wait, that's not right... you get $306 in overdraft fees*, since YOUR FUCKING DEPOSIT DIDN'T POST, like I JUST TOLD YOU 5 TIMES.

*of course, like any good phone banker, I explained to the nutter customer how to properly go about getting the necessary information from this elusive deposit so that we could file a research claim to get it back, and once it was found, the fees would, naturally, be reversed as a bank error. I'm not a jerk or anything, gosh.